Convert Your Carnivore Friends to the Plant-Based Diet Without Them Knowing

You love your friends and significant other. Chances are, they love the blasphemy that is red meat. For this to work, you’ll need to convert them. We’ll be the bible-thumping sidekick to your Joan of Arc. Let’s go preach the word of science to these unbelievers!

Converting your family/friends/significant other to a diet based primarily on green things that grow from the ground is a subtle art. Like trying to politely tell someone they have broccoli stuck in their teeth, this issue should be approached with the same amount of careful finesse. And a little bit of outright trickery.

Step 1: Asses the Target

Don’t forget the carefully constructed graphs!

Some people will be easier to flip than others. The devout, meat-preaching I-eat-ribs-for-breakfast types will be staunchly against your way of life. The more you try to convince them they’re on a one-way street towards heart failure, the more they’ll want to sabotage your veganism by slipping meat chunks into your protein smoothie. They’re tough nuts to crack, and you’ll probably spend years slowly transitioning them over to your way of life.

On the other hand, your friend who listens to Indie music, organizes peaceful protests for animal rights and volunteers at the local animal shelter could be swayed to the plant-based diet mindset as part of a crusade to stop the cruelty that is the conditions in slaughterhouses.

Discover your targets motives, and exploit those to make them see the light.

Step 2: Seduce the Target With Your Irresistible Cooking Skills

Some candles and fine sparkling cider doesn’t hurt either

Don’t have irresistible cooking skills? That’s okay. Fake it until you make it. This blog is a perfect place to start. In fact, if you can’t cook, you should probably check out our easy to make dishes for the recipe-impaired.

If you have mastered the art of whipping up to die for Vegan dishes, I applaud you. This step is going to be easy. All you have to do is insist you’re feeding them food that their anti-plant friends won’t make fun of.

Offer them a Spinach Smoothie. But instead, say, “here, have a green melon smoothie!” Your subterfuge will be well rewarded when they take a sip and respond, “this is delicious! What did you put in here?” Just smile coyly and say, “Green melons, of course!” And then walk away.

The goal of this stage is to be a tease when it comes to your irresistible cooking skills. By secretly feeding them your addictive brand of food, they will ask themselves repeatedly, “How are they such a good cook? What’s their secret?”

Don’t tell them. Just let them stew. Eventually, their tormented inner monologues and endless questions will leave them wanting more. Just like Lost. But this time, everybody doesn’t die in the end.

Step 3: Make the Pitch

Nothing says teamwork quite like a group of multi-ethnic businesspeople smiling for the camera!

If you’ve seen any decent spy movie, you probably remember the scene where the CIA officer tells a foreign agent that he needs to betray his country and help the United States. In return, the CIA officer promises his safety and hands over a wad of cash concealed in a shady envelope.

You are that CIA officer. Your skeptical non-vegetarian friend is the foreign agent that you’re trying to bring over to the light side using a combination of your suave good looks and unforgettable charisma.

Here’s what you need to remember when you finally sit down with your friend to unveil your secret operations up until this point. Bribery optional.

  • Open with something along the lines of, “Hey, do you know that I’ve been secretly feeding you plant-based foods?” Unless you’re some kind of ninja, they’ve probably seen you pouring your soy milk into an empty regular milk carton and putting it back into the fridge. Admit it, these people are pretty observant and know when their cereal tastes funny. Don’t be alarmed. Instead, continue with:
  • “Well, you should become a vegetarian and follow a plant-based diet. It’s ten times more healthier and can reduce your chances of diseases such as cancer. Not to mention that it’s a fun dietary challenge that keeps things interesting. And there’s this great blog called FacePlantProject.com that is pretty much my Plant Based Diet bible.” Just remember, don’t outright insult their diet. People tend to get defensive and want to prove you wrong. That’s not what you want. They have to come to their decision to join you all by themselves. Otherwise, they’ll just go all double agent on you and slip some salami into your cucumber sandwich.

Here’s the part where they either agree, disagree, or get all upset with you and your hidden agenda and declare you persona non grata. Whatever happens, just remember that you tried to make these people see the light! What they do with their newfound appreciation of the plant-based diet is all up to them. And how much cash you offer up.

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